A couple of months ago, I wrote about how important it was for us to spend our time wisely. Time is a highly valuable resource that should only be given and shared diligently. With that being said, we should be hyperconscious and extremely selective on who and what we spend our time on in order to make the most out of our “investments” (in this case, we are investing our time and efforts). It is important to recognize that in order to be successful, we must make a lot of hard decisions and sacrifices in order to do what we love and become the person we’ve always wanted to be. With that, we must be cognizant on who we surround ourselves with, for they are a reflection of who we are and who we strive to be.
It was not until after I committed a lot of time reflecting on who I am and who I wanted to be that I realized that something wasn’t right. The people I surrounded myself with had a lot of influence on who I was becoming and how others perceived me. Because of that, I had to reevaluate if, in fact, this image of a young, reckless girl was who I wanted to be remembered as. Honestly, a party girl was the last thing I was, but since impressions can be everlasting, I knew I had to change. I didn’t want people to define me solely on pictures or based on skewed interpretations.
More importantly, I also realized that once I was able to meet more like-minded individuals who shared similar ambitious goals that I would never be satisfied with wasting my time on “friends” who were not interested in uplifting themselves, myself, nor our relationship. I began to recognize that I had a lot of toxic people in my life. The kind that was selfish and wanted me to conform to their way of life, which most of the time involved passive-aggressive tendencies, unnecessary drama and worst of all, apathetic attitudes.
Although I began to acknowledge and accept that these people were not healthy for my personal growth or for themselves for that matter, I didn’t want to give up on them. Don’t get me wrong, I am a strong believer that we are capable of anything but that’s only if we want it badly enough and are willing to make those tough decisions. Despite coming off as naïve or foolish for not walking away right then and there, I had strong hopes that my friends would be at interested in improving their situation instead of doing nothing about it…
I made efforts to help them recognize their cognitive distortions. After many failed attempts to get them to reflect and understand how to improve their problems and escape their dissatisfaction, I experienced a bit of cognitive dissonance myself. I struggled as I contemplated whether I should continue with this relationship. It became clear to see how the instability created unnecessary stress and added on many distractions in my life.
It was a difficult decision but it was one that had to be made.
Author’s note: I valve myself as an honest individual and as the creator of this blog, I want to be open and honest to my readers. Writing this post was not easy. I had concerns about possibly burning bridges, due to misunderstandings or having someone taking this post as a personal attack. Please understand that singling someone out was not my intention! I wrote this post to show that you are not alone in your way of thinking.
I, too, have felt disconnected and frustrated with my relationships with people who were, honestly, undeserving of my time and affections. Friendship, like other relationships, should feel easy and uplifting. Both parties should be supportive and understanding. Open-minded and judgement-free. Yes, there will be rough patches however if you feel as though your relationship is hurting you more than bringing out the best in you, it’s okay to walk away (in fact, I encourage it!). As much as I am a strong believer that we are in control of our future and our success, I also understand that there are a lot of things that we are not in control of. However, our relationships, who we spend our precious time with, are and it is better for you to walk away from a toxic relationship than let it burn you out and derail your life.
There are a lot of people out there much like yourself. Those who have been through similar experiences and shared your thoughts. There are also people out there who are determined to see you succeed and are willing to help you get there. If you don’t feel like you know anyone right now, please, I ask you to be patient because they are out there. Do not ever feel alone! You will meet them.
Inspired by unhealthy relationships & conversations about them